Date: 12/19/2022
Mood: Low.. again :(
Monday
I am not feeling good.
Life is chaotic. I feel like? I don't really catch a break! Lol
I have been listening to a lot of Will Wood lately, specifically his newest album. I have been listening to Against the kitchen floor and Tomcat disposables. Juuuuust like me fr. I will explain.
Against the kitchen floor: The way he describes how sorry he is for everything and and and and how he is trying so hard to get better. That is me right now. I feel like such a burden lately, and I am so sorry. "I am barely a person at all." He is so real for this. And then, Tomcat Disposables... Ouch. I understand the original meaning was to mourn a mouse he had to kill, but to me, while listening, I picture myself metaphorically being a mouse in a home- Finding food on the counter, just for it to be a trap that hurts me. Agghghhgh. Pain.
Date: 12/12/2022
Mood: Low/Neutral
Kind of trigger warning - Monday
Today I have therapy.
It will be my first therapy appointment since I had opened up about everything.
It is strange. I have to talk about things I thought I would never have to talk about ever. I didn't want it to be this extreme. I am confused.
It is weird. Things are weird. Everything is weird. I don't know how to explain it. I do not like it :( I will talk about this today though. I will talk about how things are bad right now, but I feel fine. Almost happy. But, I am doing awful things to myself. Maybe I am just desensitized. Everything is weird. I want it to be over, but I don't want to die. I am safe, but ??? I don't know. Hmmmm
Date: 12/09/2022
Mood: Sad
Friday
Today is my favorite student teacher's last day :( Quite sad
He kins Diane from Bojack Horseman. Like.. what teacher kins? Crazy. My school is so... interesting.
For example: My lunch period. I eat in the art room with my friends because we are all art nerds, right? There are at least 30 pictures of Mikey Way from My Chemical Romance in the room. It drives my art teacher insane. She hates him! So, we are planning- on the last day of school- We are going to bring a life-size cutout of Mikey Way to gift to her. Hehehehe.